Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
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you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
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I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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