I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize