It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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