i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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