I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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