So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
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