Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize