Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize