I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize