i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize