I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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