connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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