My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
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We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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