Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
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My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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