4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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