I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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