I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize