Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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