he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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