I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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