Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
We got so high we made milksteak
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
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I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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