i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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