Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I deserve this hangover.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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