Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize