I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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