Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
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I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
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So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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