I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
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She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
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I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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