I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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