I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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