tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
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Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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