Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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