On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
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Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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