Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
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I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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