who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize