it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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