don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
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