You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize