He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
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your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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