he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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