Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
