he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize