we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Farmville is her only friend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
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There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The uberlube is also flammable
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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