ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
