Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina just recognized that song.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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