I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
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My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
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I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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