walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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