sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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