That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize