So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize