yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
There's always time for handjobs
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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