he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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