my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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